Harry vs The Donkey
by Keira-House M.D
Summary: It's Teddy Lupin's fifth birthday and all Harry wants is to give his godson a great party. But now a menagerie of animals has escaped from their pens, the birthday cake is all over the floor, and Harry is stuck helplessly in the middle and trying to avoid the donkey he swears has it in for him. For the Cluedo/Clue challenge with prompts 'Harry Potter', 'Donkey' and 'Helpless'.


**Written for the Cluedo/Clue challenge for the prompts 'Harry Potter', 'Donkey' and 'Helpless'.**

 **Possibly got a bit off topic regarding the helpless bit but there is definitely some of that feeling in the story, and plenty of Harry and the donkey to make up for it.** **Also got a bit ridiculous but my mind will go where it wants.**

* * *

Harry has been planning Teddy Lupin's fifth birthday party for months.

His godson is going through an animal phase and Harry's great idea is to arrange for a zoo to bring some of their animals out. Nothing dangerous of course, but enough to give the boy some excitement.

They'd had to make contact with the magical side of the zoo. Fred, George and Sirius can't be trusted to hide their magic, and Teddy's ever-changing hair colour is an obvious sign of something out of the ordinary going on.

It works out well anyway – alongside the normal farm animals and a few safer zoo animals there are a set of magical creatures including a unicorn (rare and expensive but so worth it – even if Harry can't get within five feet of it Ginny can and it's an excellent little surprise for his girlfriend), a baby dragon (he obviously hasn't learnt his lesson after Norbert but at least this one isn't living in a wooden hut) and some kneazle kittens that have Crookshanks sniffing imperiously (yes, that damn cat sniffs in disdain all the time at everyone except Hermione and Sirius).

Alongside the animals there are games and cake and a host of enthusiastic family and friends to wish Teddy a very happy birthday.

Harry has received many congratulations for the brilliant party he's pulled off and he admits to a few smug smiles in Hermione's direction since she's been warning him of the potential disasters that could occur at such a party.

It's all going swimmingly, though.

Until the charms keeping the animals contained fail.

* * *

They're not sure how it happens, but they think it may have been the magic within the creatures reacting badly with the containment charms.

The worst part is that the charms fail with a bit of a bang, both spooking the animals and also destroying the wooden pens that were a secondary protection.

It all causes complete chaos.

They're a group made up mostly of war veterans so they spring into action quickly enough, moving the children inside the Burrow (the party is taking place in the field to the side of the Weasley homestead) and trying to corral the animals.

Harry, though, is unable to help.

He is, in fact, stuck helplessly in between the baby dragon spitting fire and a very unhappy donkey.

It's the donkey he's more concerned about.

* * *

 _Harry and the donkey get off to a bad start._

 _He's not even sure how it happens. The donkey is not, according to its handler, usually grumpy. In fact it has been a delight to the children._

 _But it has it in for Harry._

 _It's glaring. Hermione tells him in the patient voice she usually reserves for idiots that donkeys don't glare._

 _This one does._

 _Harry feeds it, he strokes it, makes sure all the children are gentle with it, all to no avail._

 _The damn donkey still hates him._

 _Harry is used to dislike and even hate. From Voldemort, Death Eaters, the Dursleys, Draco Malfoy and more. But never a donkey._

 _He doesn't like it and yet he cannot change the stupid animal's mind._

* * *

The donkey glares and Harry shifts closer to the baby dragon, which has thankfully stopped its attempts to barbeque everyone, at least for the moment.

He tries to catch Hermione's eye, to prove that the donkey is just evil, but she's a bit busy trying to get the unusually lively unicorn back into its repaired pen while keeping an eye on Crookshanks – who is smugly pleased at getting to be in charge of the unruly kneazle kittens – at the same time.

He looks to Sirius, who only laughs at his misfortune.

Some godfather he is.

* * *

"You are the bloody chosen one," Hermione shouts at him as, having successfully contained the unicorn, she casts spell after spell on the largely-magic resistant baby dragon, "and that is a donkey. Pull yourself together."

A small puff of fire and the dragon singes the ends of Hermione's hair. She lets out a small shriek and manages to hit the dragon in its one weak spot with her spell, finally freezing its movements.

Sirius laughs at her misfortune and Hermione turns on him with an expression that promises long, drawn out retribution. Harry's only glad she's found someone else to pick on.

He feels helpless, trapped by a donkey while his friends deal with all the other animals (though it seems to really be Hermione doing all the work, efficient and controlling as she often is, with the help of her faithful Crookshanks).

He looks away from the scene of Hermione berating Sirius to find that the donkey has moved a lot closer.

He's not terrified. It's just a donkey.

But it's not. Harry is fairly sure this is some kind of demon donkey that exists to torment him. He's going to check, as soon as he gets out of his predicament, that the donkey actually came from the zoo and was not some kind of evil trick by someone like Draco Malfoy.

He takes a few steps back and feels a moment of relief before he goes one step too far and knocks into the table that houses Molly Weasley's pride and joy – the birthday cake.

He can't stop it. His shock means he doesn't have time to use a spell and even his seeker reflexes fail him (that donkey is a bad luck charm). No one else sees the disaster and cannot help him.

The cake crashes down to the ground as Harry lets out a cry of panic.

But his accident with the cake is clearly not enough for the donkey and it continues forward, causing Harry to panic even more and trip backwards over the upturned table.

He's had enough injuries playing Quidditch to know what a bone breaking feels like, and he knows he won't be able to walk on his ankle without assistance since he's always been pants with healing charms.

He lies there helpless, a pathetic picture and nothing like the hero the press always paints him as.

He hears a snap and sees a flash before Sirius vanishes the camera with a twinkle in his eyes and a faux-innocent look on his face, but he can't bring himself to be angry – he's too exhausted for that.

The donkey moves closer, obviously sensing weakness, and Harry almost wants to cry because why won't it just leave him alone.

Closer and closer it comes, with no one willing to assist him.

His mind knows rationally that he is being dramatic. The donkey is not going to kill him and he doubts it could really maim him either. But he can't get over his irrational fear and his feeling of helplessness because he feels like he has been personally victimised by the donkey for no good reason.

It doesn't help when Hermione comes over, having finally finished wrangling all animals but the donkey back into place. She comes to stand by Sirius and takes a long at him.

She can't help herself. Hermione has the reputation for being the sensible one but this is all too much. She bursts out into laughter even more hysterical than Sirius'.

Harry pouts like a child at her refusal to sympathise with his plight. Hermione and Sirius just keep laughing.

* * *

In the end Sirius takes the donkey away while Hermione heals his ankle and tries not to giggle.

Molly looks askance at the destroyed cake as she, Tonks and Fleur bring the children back out, but Harry, Hermione and Sirius (the only ones to see who exactly was responsible) don't say a word. Harry is grateful but he suspects that Hermione and Sirius feel too sorry for him because of the donkey to get him into more trouble.

The animals are back in their pens, Molly brings out a few smaller cakes to replace the wrecked one and the demon donkey is far away from Harry. Everything goes off smoothly from then on.

Harry feels like it has been a mostly successful day since Teddy has a great time, but he thinks he's learnt a few lessons too.

One thing is for sure. He vows never to let a donkey make him feel so helpless again.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it.**


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